lost in between real and fake

I'm living with bipolar I as well as borderline personality disorder. I've had an extremely difficult year and I'm currently taking it one step at a time trying to get on my feet again. Unfortunately the road of recovery involves relapses, hence some posts may be triggering.

lost in between real and fake

I am fascinated by people. medicine. design. culture. psychology. I love to research. write. travel. give. I am rebellious. unconventional. complex. fun. paradoxical. thoughtful.

17/09.

Today I’ve been officially diagnosed with Bipolar I. I cannot believe I have yet another serious mental illness to tackle. Life is so unfair.

16/09.

They are slowly reducing my sedative meds, which kind of puts me in a maniac state of mind again. They just can’t seem to be able to strike the right balance. I start to lack trust in their expertise.

(Source: HEAVEN-LY-MIND)

I feel like I am a vacuum drifting into the void.

failureisourspecialty:

Don’t get angry at people with depression for pushing you away when they’re down. They can’t help it. They feel like a burden. They feel alone. They feel like your sympathy is pity and you could never really understand. In spite of anything they say, they really don’t want you to leave. They want to be happy and they want you to hold their hand. People with depression push away the people who mean the most to them.

prints:

The Falling Man is a photograph taken by Associated Press photographer Richard Drew, of a man falling from the North Tower of the World Trade Center during the September 11 attacks in New York City. The subject of the image—whose identity remains uncertain but is speculated to be that of Jonathan Briley — was one of the people trapped on the upper floors of the skyscraper who apparently either fell as they searched for safety or jumped to escape the fire and smoke. At least 200 people fell or jumped to their deaths that day.
Regarding the social and cultural significance of The Falling Man, theologian Mark D. Thompson says that “perhaps the most powerful image of despair at the beginning of the twenty-first century is not found in art, or literature, or even popular music. It is found in a single photograph.”

prints:

The Falling Man is a photograph taken by Associated Press photographer Richard Drew, of a man falling from the North Tower of the World Trade Center during the September 11 attacks in New York City. The subject of the image—whose identity remains uncertain but is speculated to be that of Jonathan Briley — was one of the people trapped on the upper floors of the skyscraper who apparently either fell as they searched for safety or jumped to escape the fire and smoke. At least 200 people fell or jumped to their deaths that day.

Regarding the social and cultural significance of The Falling Man, theologian Mark D. Thompson says that “perhaps the most powerful image of despair at the beginning of the twenty-first century is not found in art, or literature, or even popular music. It is found in a single photograph.”

Uhhhhh I took my pills to late… I can feel the mania within me… It’s stronger than the wind… It will blow me away…

And I know it, yet I feel unbreakable…

"The worst part about anything that’s self destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive."



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(Source: )



(Source: chrisruetten)

yerawizardamanda:

Do you ever just look at other people and wonder what it would be like to not need to take medicine every day just to function properly?

(Source: weheartit.com)

Are you okay? ambroses-blonde

No, absolutely not. But what the hell does okay mean anyways. I’m a foreigner to my own body and it kills me from the inside out.

In a nutshell.

I’m so relieved that I can actually sit still and engage in day to day conversations with fellow inpatients. But the best thing is that my mind has stopped pacing and my thoughts actually let me get some rest. I currently sleep around four hours a night. Thank god for Haldol and Diazepam.